My most recent parenting fail... Sorry, but it's not a funny one this time :-/

I'm beginning to think that the hardest part of raising kids is letting them go.  Now, none of mine are quite old enough to leave the nest yet, so I'm not talking about the big, scary, drive them halfway across the country and then leave them there so they can attend the college of their dreams sort of letting go (though a dear friend of mine just got back home from doing that very thing with her oldest... you are one brave woman, Melinda :-D ).  No, I'm talking about the kind of letting go that comes from realizing that the time has come to step back as a parent and trust your kids to make their own decisions, even if and especially when you're not there to make sure that they do, in fact, make the RIGHT decision.

Today, one of my kids made the wrong decision, and I was at work in another town and completely unable to do anything about it.

Now, before any of you who know me start emailing me with questions of "OMG!!!!!  WHICH KID WAS IT AND WHAT DID THEY DO???  HOW MUCH BAIL MONEY DO YOU NEED AND HOW MANY MONTHS UNTIL YOU WANT TO HAVE THE BABY SHOWER AND WILL YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE COVER DETOX OR WON'T THEY???", let me just assure everyone that no, none of them are pregnant, all of them are home and not in jail, and they've all already finished their homework and are currently already in bed-- each one by themselves, too, just in case some of you (really, seriously?) were going to go there :-P  What happened this morning was in all actuality a very minor thing, with no foreseeable long-term damage done.  And I'm pretty certain that it's not an ominous harbinger of an oncoming storm of teenage rebellion either.  But it DID bring me to a place of questioning whether or not we've been making the right decisions all along the way and discovering that, honestly, I'm not as great a parent as I thought I was :-/

As parenting goes, I've always been a big fan of natural consequences-- sometimes parentally engineered "natural" consequences, but more-or-less natural, logical, reason-led ones all the same.  Toddler daughter refuses to pick up the pieces of her puzzle in a fit of "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO I'M ALMOST FOUR AND SO I'M ALMOST ALL GROWN UP AND YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF MEEEEEE!"; toddler daughter watches as said puzzle pieces are thrown into the trash can along with the rest of the garbage on the floor.  Son #1 decides to throw wet paper towels all over the school bathroom to see how far up the wall he can get them to stick and whether or not he can actually get them to defy gravity and cling to the ceiling; son #1 gets to spend an afternoon helping the custodian clean up said bathroom.  Son #2 decides to ignore the warning about coming home before curfew from his friend's house (which, incidentally, is only 100 yards down the street, so he theoretically could have just hollered to say he'd be late); son #2 finds himself grounded and disallowed to go by himself to a friend's house on his own for the rest of the week.  Basically, you make your choice, you evaluate the consequences, and then you decide if it's really worth making that same choice the next time... pretty simple, no?

We Christian parents especially like to put a hedge of protection around our kids by making sure they only watch the right shows, listen to the right music, read the right books, hang out with the right friends, etc.  We figure that if we only give them good role models to follow and we shield them from negative examples, then they won't know to choose the wrong and will generally make the right decisions all throughout their lives.  We bet that if we raise smart, moral, good church-going kids, we can help them to avoid so many of the pitfalls of secular life... and it's actually not all that bad of a parenting plan, to be honest.

The downside is that we often end up sheltering our kids' decisions so that they only have good options to choose from and gentle consequences to remind them of the unconditional love of God.  And that, as I look back on things tonight, has been the parenting road we ended up on; I'm hearby pleading "GUILTY" to trying their whole lives to protect them from the consequences of their own native stupidity :-(  As kids get older, though, we as parents need to give them more responsibility for their own actions and more freedom in taking those actions.  And sometimes, this means letting them step out of our sight and hoping, with fingers crossed and eyes closed, that they'll have learned enough to not choose the door labeled (in big red, dripping, invisible letters) "This Is the STUPID Option... STAY AWAY!"

It was hard this morning to drive away, knowing that, though I had given my child specific directions and a definite answer to their question of "So, Mom, can we...?", I was leaving them in a position of temptation with no way to enforce my will and preferences in the matter.  And I knew that, theoretically, my child might choose to disobey and do what they wanted to do, hoping that I wouldn't find out.  But because love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things, I trusted that my child, whom I love with all my heart, would resist temptation and do the right thing simply because I had asked them to.  I honestly thought that, because I said "No, you can't... Sorry...", it would be enough to ensure that they actually did what I wanted them to do.

Not only did my child do what I had specifically forbidden them to do, but I had to find out about it from a sibling who couldn't keep their mouth shut.  (Yeah, I'm pretty sure there's going to be some holy Christian smackdown going on as soon as they all head out the door in the morning...)

But you know what?  This is a part of letting go.  At least it was a little mistake, and not one that's going to shape future generations of our family.  At some level, I needed to realize that my kids are not just extensions of my own self-worth, reflections of my ability to parent like a boss.  Each one of my kids is their own independent human being, with their very own imperfect nature and their very own will, with just as much of a right to be wrong as I have.  They're going to go off and make their own choices, and sometimes those choices are going to be "Screw that, Mom, I can make a better decision on my own, thank you very much."  And when those decisions have been ripped out of my grasping, clawing hands, then sometimes the consequences are out of my hands as well, and I won't always be there to catch them when they fall broken to the ground.

This time, though, my husband and I have to-- get to-- assign the consequences.  And we have to walk the fine line between realizing that no lasting harm has been done and not wanting that harm to come knocking at our kids' doors in the future.  How do we assign a consequence for disobedience that's fair and proportionate to a (really pretty minor) offense but still teaches them that, hey, Mom and Dad aren't idiots and you really should listen to them sometimes?  How do we make sure that we don't overreact and punish them too harshly simply because our feelings are hurt and our trust broken?  Or how do we make sure that this consequence gives them something positive that they can hold on to for the rest of their lives and pass on to their own kids someday (who probably won't listen to or obey them any better than they do us right now...)

To make the situation even stickier, tonight I had to admit to myself and to my husband that I've been making parenting decisions all along that have helped to create the situation that tripped my child up this morning... How do I go now to my child and apologize for my own parenting fail and still expect them to respect my wisdom and authority as their mom?  I'm really, really hoping for and counting on the fact that the Bible says that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5), because I'm really going to need His grace tomorrow as I share a big ol' slice of humble pie with my child :-/

Actually, strike what I said in my first sentence... maybe the hardest part of raising kids is the not knowing how badly you're screwing them up until it's too late to do anything about it :-/

(I seriously need to start cruising Facebook or hanging out with my daughter's genius friends again... This blog and my sanity are both looooong overdue for a funny post for a change... o.O  But for now, I think I'll just head to bed with this song running through my head; I'll probably end up playing it tomorrow for my kid and pretty much every time I screw up again from now until forever...)

I Do Not Want to Be Upgraded...

(OK, so here's the post I was intending to write on the 13th... If I'm very very clever I MIGHT actually get it published by the 14th... ^_^)

Kitty corner across the street from our apartment building, there is a church that offers a free breakfast on late-start Wednesdays for the students at the high school.  I've seen the sign, and I think it's a great idea, because even if they've already eaten at home, teenagers will inevitably be hungry again by the time they drive across town to get to school... and by offering breakfast on a late-start Wednesday, they're still leaving kids with enough time to grab a snack out of the vending machines on the way to first period as well :-)

Tuesday night, my daughter's boyfriend was apparently telling her that he wanted to stop by the church and get some food on their way to school the next morning.  Which makes sense except for the fact that... well, it's at a CHURCH.  My daughter's boyfriend is a brilliant guy and very sweet (especially to her), but he's not a Christian.  In fact, he dislikes church (for a lot of the same good reasons I hated churches and so-called Christians growing up), and pretty much refuses to go.  So, when my daughter told me (with a perplexed expression) about her boyfriend's plan for the next morning, I was both confused and intrigued.

Well, my daughter overslept, and so they didn't make it to the church breakfast thingy after all, but as he and I were waiting for her to finish getting ready, I asked him what he was thinking.  Which led to an interesting conversation about all manner of things religious, but what caught my imagination and hasn't let go of it all day was something that he told me his mom had told him about the church breakfast thing:

"'You do know that they're going to try and convert you, right?'"

Now, I don't know for sure if this church is one of those that feels the urge to convert everyone who walks through their doors, or if this is one of those seeker-friendly places that encourages every visitor to "find their own path to enlightenment."  But what his mom told him to watch out for (boy, it gets complicated trying to write without using names ^_^) just kind of resonated with me, because isn't that exactly what we as Christians do sometimes?  We get in the mindset that it's our job to "convert" people to Christianity, and that if we try to "share the gospel" with them and they DON'T get saved, then we've either not tried hard enough, or else we've done something wrong, or else they're just unrepentant sinners who are destined for hellfire and there's nothing we can do but simply wash our hands of them.

As I've mentioned before, I didn't grow up in a Christian home.  My mom told me as I was growing up that, because we have some Jewish blood in our grandmother's lineage, we were part of "God's Chosen People" and, therefore, we were automatically going to Heaven to be with God no matter what we did.  God simply gave us His commandments to tell us what to do and what not to do, and then He sent Jesus as a living example of how we were all supposed to live our lives.

This confused me.  On the one hand, God gave us a bunch of rules and filled in the gaps with some pretty scary consequences if we didn't obey (try reading through Exodus and Leviticus as a precocious 7 year old sometime... o.O).  On the other hand, it really doesn't matter whether we obey the rules or not, because if we're lucky enough to be Jewish, we're all going to go to Heaven anyway...?  By the time I was 10 or so, I figured that there really was no God, because either He was powerless ("Hah!  I broke all Your puny little commandments but You STILL have to let me in because I'm JEWWWWW-ISHHHHHHH!  Nyah, nyah, nyaaaaaahhhh!"), or else He must hate everybody and delight in torturing them ("You thought about stealing a pencil once because it was purple and sparkly, and since to think of breaking a commandment is the same as committing it in your heart, you are hereby sentenced to BUUUUUUUURRRRRNNNN... Thus saith the LORD!").  On top of that, I just didn't see how it would be fair to have an afterlife (i.e. Heaven) where EVERYBODY would get in no matter what they did or who they had a feud with on earth (I mean, my mom's parents were divorced... logically, then, how on earth could it be Heaven for either one of them if they were BOTH there?)  By the time I started junior high, I was one confused and, frankly, ticked off young lady-- all these years, and everyone who kept inviting me to church and Awanas and Neighborhood Bible Club had been LYING to me?

Because I used to get invited to a LOT of Christian events by well-meaning people at school and in my neighborhood.  And this is where the comment about being "converted" really hit home for me:  Every time I would get invited to a church or a Bible club, it was always the same bait-and-switch technique:

"Hey there, little girl... Do you like cookies?  Would you like to come over and have some cookies and milk after school.  We'll have a story, and some songs, and if you want, you can even play some musical instruments.  There will be other kids there... We'd LOVE it if you came!"

"Um... OK.  I like cookies, I guess..."

**arrives at house at right time, knocks on door timidly**

"Oooooooh, you CAME!  Hey everyone, look who's here with us today!  It's that one little girl from down the street!  You know, the one with the greasy hair and dirty clothes and holey shoes who OBVIOUSLY COMES FROM A PAGAN AND UNBELIEVING HOME..."  (OK, so no one ever actually said that last part out loud in front of me, but 1) it was always there in the pitying gazes of the adults in the room and in the snickers and haughty looks of the other kids, and 2) as an adult, I've heard those words come from the mouths of other church workers in reference to some of the kids we've had at VBS and Bible Clubs.)

"Um... Hi?"

"Oh, sweetie, we're so glad you're here!  Come on in and have a cookie..."

**comes in and stuffs face with cookie, completely oblivious to the quiet locking of the door behind her and the ominous music that really should be playing under a scene such as this...**

"Now, let's see... Where were we...?  Oh, yesssss... DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE IF YOU DIED TODAY THAT YOU WOULD GO TO HEAVEN???  WOULD YOU RATHER GO TO HELL???  OH NO, YOU WOULDN'T, WOULD YOU???  IF YOU ASK JESUS TO COME IN AND LIVE IN YOUR HEART RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, TODAY, THEN YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN TO BE WITH GOD FOREVER AND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE SAD OR LONELY AGAIN BECAUSE YOU WILL BE FILLED WITH THE HOLY GHOST AND JESUS PROMISES HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU AND SO YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE A FRIEND IN JESUS WHO WILL LIVE IN YOUR HEART FOREVER IF YOU JUST SAY THIS SIMPLE PRAYER WITH ME... Wouldn't you like that, little girl (whose name I can't remember right now)?  Wouldn't you like to go to Heaven and be with Jesus and God and be in-right out-right upright downright happy all the time?"

Um... WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THAT WHEN I'M SITTING THERE WITH MY MOUTH FULL OF COOKIE AND A LOCKED DOOR BETWEEN ME AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD???

So, of course, I do what we all would do... I nod my head and, after swallowing the wad of cookie-mush that's now lodged in my throat, I dutifully echo whatever words of whatever prayer the nice Bible teacher wants me to say (most of which makes little to no sense whatsoever... but hey, now I've got a bearded dude in a white robe living in my left ventricle and some creepy ghosty-thing living in my right, and all of my synapses have been washed away with a whole lotta sheep's blood so as soon as I step outside, nothing bad will be able to touch me because I've got a nice leafy hedge to protect me, so it's all good, right?)  And then everybody sings a happy song, and everyone congratulates me on becoming a Christian-- while making sure not to touch me or get too close because, hey, I'm still wearing the same dirty clothes and holey shoes and greasy hair that I came in with.  And then they show me to the door and off I go, waltzing happily right back into the same messy world that I woke up in that morning.  And the next day, life is just as miserable as it was before I "asked Jesus into my heart" and "became a believer", and I'm left going, "Um... What's going on?  Where's my fabulous new life and all the riches of being a child of God?"

So the next week, I go back and start asking questions.  And what I'm told is that, in order to KEEP the blessings of God, I have to start making changes in my life.  I need to stop watching bad TV shows.  I need to stop listening to the devil's music.  I need to start dressing like a good Christian and not like the world, and most of all, I need to stop cussing, start going to church every Sunday, and get to work sharing the good news of Jesus with all of my friends and/or invite them to Bible Club too.  Never mind that 1) I don't have any control over the TV set or what we watch on it, 2) All of the "Christian" kids' music out there is boring and repetitive and seems to be written by aliens from the planet HappyHappy, 3) I have no money to go out and buy the clothes that all the "Christian" kids at school are wearing, 4) my mom works Sundays and so I have no way to get to church... besides, that, we're JEWISH, if you remember, and 5) at this time, I had no friends at school to share the "good news" with, much less any who would willingly go anywhere after school with me.

"So," I would finally ask, "What you're telling me is that God loves me, but now He wants to change everything about me?"

"Oh, yes... He loves you right where you're at, but He loves you too much to leave you that way."  (Worst mis-use of the truth of God EVER, right there, IMHO... :-/ )

"So... Why would God want me to be His kid if He doesn't even LIKE me?"

"Oh, sweetie... Um... Uh... Well, of COURSE God LOVES you...!"

"But does He LIKE me?"

"Well..."

"Do YOU even LIKE me?"  (I was a pretty messed up kid with a pretty big reputation for getting into arguments and cussing people out, even the teachers.  I was a hard person to like... I didn't even like me, so I totally understood why nobody else did either...)

"Well... Of COURSE we like you..."

"Really?  What's my name, then?"

"Your what?"

"My name.  Do you even remember my name?"

They usually didn't.  I usually didn't go back.

I got older and became your stereotypical Goth teenager; I hated everything, made everyone miserable, did everything I could to tick everyone off just to see what would happen.  Sophomore year, I tried to flunk out of Spanish class after scoring 2nd in state on the National Spanish Exam and then threatened to kill myself... just to see which one would get the bigger rise out of my mom.  Junior year, I wrote an essay about terrorizing the school counselor with tales of dismemberment and nearly got suspended.  Senior year, I tried to set up a "satanic ritual" at the lunch table using black plastic garbage bags, some table sugar, and a glow-in-the-dark skull candle; I also nearly got arrested for threatening a police officer with a knife because I was mouthing off to him while chopping up potatoes for dinner (now, WHY there was a police officer in my house while I was making dinner, that's a WHOLE other story altogether...)

And of course, for every crazy thing I did to try and prove that I really was a bad seed (one of the terms a VBS leader had used to describe me when I was 7 and throwing a mega-tantrum in her church), there was at least one well-meaning soul at my high school each year trying to convert me.  Why they wanted to convert me, I had no idea...  These people certainly didn't LIKE me, and they NEVER bothered to actually get to KNOW me before trying to "fix" me.  Maybe it was the idea that because I was so bad, I would make a more beautiful trophy on their spiritual wall, perhaps?  I don't know.  All I know was that it was always the same rigamarole, over and over again...

"Do you know for sure if you died today that you would go to Heaven?"
"I don't believe in your 'Heaven'."
"Oh, well then... I guess that means you're going to Hell, then."
"I don't believe in your 'Hell', either."
"Oh... Well, don't you believe in God?"
"Nope."
"But... Certainly you MUST believe in SOMETHING???"
"Nope... Not really.  Life sucks and then we die."
"But... but... Jesus, and... God, and the Holy Spirit, and... FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT SHALL HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE!  If you pray and ask Jesus into your heart then..."
"Been there, done that.  Didn't work."
"Oh.  Well, then, I guess you're going to hell, then.  Have a nice life anyway!"  And then they would scurry away, off to find one of their fellow "believers" to commiserate with about how the world was going to hell in a handbasket and how "that one girl" with the skull candle and all the chains was boldly leading the way.

And if I could have told them one thing, it would have been this: If your God is so small that He can't handle one scared, confused little girl wrapping herself in chains to defend herself, then your God is not one that I would want to serve anyway.

For those of you who still don't get why a non-Christian would ever turn down the chance to be "led to the Lord" in such a way, let me share with you what I've found to be the best pop-culture analogy to hit-and-run evangelism EVER...

(If the video above won't play, the entire Doctor Who episode I'm referencing is Series 2, Episode 5, "Rise of the Cybermen", and is available on Netflix and elsewhere; the specific scene takes place at about 37 minutes or so into the episode.)

Now, I am not trying to condemn Christian evangelism.  I'm not criticizing Christian missions in general, and I'm not saying that Christians should just give up and leave everyone else alone.  I'm sure that there are some of you reading this who think I'm attacking you, because you recognize some of the things I've quoted as coming from your own flyers and handouts.  My aim is not to attack anybody personally.

My aim is to make a point.

Non-Christians do not want to be converted. We do not wish to be "upgraded" against our wills.

We want to be loved.  We want to be respected.  We want to be treated as human beings, with names and stories, minds and souls.

Because here's the thing: If God actually is who you say He is, then He is big enough to handle all of the scared little kids out there who lash out at a cold and punishing world.  If your God is real, then He chose to create each and every person on this earth... every person who ever lived, who lives now, and who ever will live.  Each unique combination of sperm and egg, with its specific genetic code and one-of-a-kind life story... Your God knows each one, He chose each one, He placed each on in his or her specific time, place, and family... and He knows each and every one of the struggles that they will go through in their life before even one of their days comes to pass (Psalm 139).  If you're reading this and you're not a Christian, I'm not saying this to convince you to become one.  That's not my job.  I'm saying this because what I have seen and what I have lived through has convinced me that it is true.

All those years, all those people who only wanted to convert me so that they could add another tally mark to their weekly list of souls, all those people who gave up on me and told me I was going to go to hell...

They were wrong.

Because when I was 20, I encountered a God who actually knows me and loves me... and not only that, He actually likes me too.  I didn't become a Christian because somebody bullied me into it or forced me to convert against my will; I am a Christian today because somebody took the time to get to know me, to see me as a human being with value and a purpose, and to love me like God loved me all along.  I was able to contemplate God as a real possibility only after someone actually did for me what they said God already had been doing all along-- looking out for me, caring what happened to me, liking me for who I was, and loving me more than I loved myself.  I've already told bits and pieces of my story elsewhere on this blog (here and here and here and here), so I'm not going to make this post any longer by retelling you all exactly how I became a Christian and why.  But I do want to finish with some advice from someone with a foot in both camps:

To the Christians out there reading this:  Stop trying to upgrade every "unbeliever" you meet in your own image.  Start actually seeing us as people first instead of candidates for conversion or potential tally marks on your spiritual scorecard.  Because honestly, this is what your hit and run, win-'em-at-the-door evangelism style looks like to us.  If you're wondering why people don't want to hear your gospel, take a good look at your approach...  Do you actually like the people you're trying to save?  Would you be happy to sit next to them in church just as they are?  If they never decide to become Christians, would you still consider them your friends?  Do you know their names, their kids' names, their brothers' and sisters' names?  Do you know what makes them laugh, what makes them cry?  What their hopes for the future are and what keeps them awake at night?  If not, then you don't love them... and they will know it.  And why should we believe that your God (who supposedly knows all about us) loves us if you yourself (who don't know us from Adam) can't love us?  Finally, don't give up on us... You can't possibly know what's going to happen in 2 years, in 5 years, in 20 years, or on our deathbeds; for all you know, we may someday change our minds and decide that maybe there IS a God out there after all.  Or we may not.  God calls you to love your neighbor as yourself, not predict his or her future and bestow your affections accordingly.

To the non-Christians out there reading this:  Please don't judge all Christians by the actions of some.  Not every Christian you meet is out to grind you up and turn you into a Cyber-Believer.  You don't like it when we judge and condemn you without actually knowing anything about you; please don't do that to us either.  Be honest with us about what you do believe (because everybody believes in something); be willing to share your thoughts and listen to ours in return.  Don't be as big a snot as I was, because looking back, I can now see that some of the people I thought only wanted to convert me actually did care and actually were trying to help... and all I did was brush them off and make myself even more miserable.

OK, so now that I've probably managed to tick people off on BOTH sides of the fence... Any thoughts to share?

Faith is...?

First off, my apologies to anyone out there who was paying attention and noticed that I haven't posted anything since April... I've been super busy spending time with my family, which has included:

• Subbing... and more subbing (the end of the year is generally like that, as teachers need time off to plan for the next year and whatnot),
• Working with my freshman to plan the rest of her high-school coursework,
• Helping her prepare for and then watching her perform in her first high-school drama production,
• Getting my 8th grader graduated from middle school and ready for high school,
• Chaperoning his end-of-the-year band festivals and field trips,
• Keeping my 4th grader from driving his older siblings completely bonkers (partially bonkers or almost-totally bonkers is OK though... it helps keep them from getting bored ^_^ ),
• Coordinating with various and sundry friends and family to get all 3 kids to their assorted scouting activities and camps,
• Dyeing my daughter's hair bright orange so she could portray Lucille Ball for all of the little Brownies and Juniors at Girl Scout Day Camp (it's still streaked pink in spots where the cherry Kool-Aid took more deeply to her hair than the Ion Color Brilliance Semi-Permanent Orange did),
• Spending 4 days camping at the coast (and being entertained by watching my daughter trying to find cell phone reception on the beach... "Wait!  Stop walking!  I've got bars now!  Just so long as I don't move off of this rock right... here... Oh, hey, he's calling me back! Hi there, handsome... Drat!  Gone again... Grrr... CURSE YOU T-MOBILE!!!!")
• Welcoming my baby nephew (the first child for my sister and her hubby :-D ),
• Hosting my niece from Virginia and watching as much Doctor Who as physically possible in 5 days time... which just proves the wisdom of images such as this:

... and probably half a dozen other things I've already forgotten about but that most likely seemed critically important at the time :-)

I've also kind of been suffering from a bit of writer's block... It's not that I have no ideas for what to write about; it's more like none of the ideas go very far before I lose interest or get frustrated with the tone my writing seems to be taking.  So I've been taking a bit of a break from the blog and refocusing on what's really important :-)  And now that the summer is winding down, I'm feeling the pull back into writing... which makes me happy :-)

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Once again, I've been inspired by conversations with my daughter's friends, particularly those who are the staunchest non-Christians.  It always intrigues me to hear what they think of my chosen religion; I'm fascinated by how they can be so totally off and yet so right on about it at the same time :-)  So... One of the ideas I've been toying with is the concept of "The Top 10 Myths of the Christian Life."  Except that now I'm up to 20...  10 myths that we Christians seem to hold and 10 myths that non-Christians seem to hold about us.  So, since that post may take a while to fully come together and might well take up billions upon billions of bytes of web data, I figured I'd start with an idea from one of those lists and just kind of run-- or more like sprint, since I'm hoping this will be a relatively short post-- with it...  Though at the moment, I fear this is going to take a LOT longer than I intended it to, mainly because my beautiful and brilliant daughter is sitting three feet away from me and going on and on about the fascinating history of Catherine of Aragon, Henry VIII, and the Holy Roman Empire o.O  Which is just a wee bit distracting, especially when she keeps referring to the King of England as a narwhal (our pet term for hyper-hormonal teenaged boys)...

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There seems to be this idea out there of "faith" being this nebulous set of standards that religious people use to justify their behavior.  If I don't let my daughter or son go to see an R-rated movie, it's because such things "go against our faith."  If I vote for candidates who support limits on or the abolition of abortion, I'm doing it "because of my faith."  If I choose to homeschool my kids or put them in Christian schools, I'm doing it to "defend their faith."  And if I listen to Christian radio or watch Christian TV, I hear constantly about the dire need to "fight for the faith."

But what IS this "faith"?  And what does it mean to "have faith in" something?

The Bible says that faith is "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1, New King James Version).  It is (as my 10-year-old's Bible phrases it) being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you can't see.  For me, this puts that grand notion of "faith" into a concrete, tangible form that I can totally grasp.

We live about 100 feet from a 4-way intersection in our small college town; whenever I leave to drive pretty much anywhere, I pretty much always drive through this intersection.  When I approach the intersection, I hope that my brakes are going to work; when I press my foot down on the brake pedal, I'm pretty certain that it's actually going to do something to help stop the car.  I don't know for sure that the brakes are going to work; I can't see whether or not the brake lines have been cut in the night or if the bolts that connect the various parts of the brake system have snapped (can you tell yet that I'm really not a car person? ^_^ )  But still, I stomp down on that brake pedal as if my life depends on it... especially at about 2:45 in the afternoon, when all the crazy teen drivers are leaving the high school that's about 2 blocks further down the road o.O  Basically, I have enough faith in my brakes to put them to use and trust that they're going to keep me from slamming into the side of that jacked up Toyota pickup filled with a half-dozen teenaged boys who seem to forget on a daily basis that that funky red octagon does not mean "Gun it!"

Some of the other things I put faith in are a little less mundane.  I have faith that, if my home gets broken into, I can and should call the police and have them investigate; I also have faith that, if the burglar is found, he will be prosecuted in the court of law.  Why do I have this faith in our police and legal system?  Not because it always works the way I expect it to or because it's always worked perfectly in every circumstance, that's for sure o.O  But I do have faith in it because it seems that, more often than not, it does work, and I have never found myself shortchanged by it.  If I ever do find myself on the losing end of the legal system or end up being ripped off by the cops I assume are going to protect me, I might change my point of view on the system.  But for now, based on my own personal experiences, I choose to have faith in the system.

And then there are the big-picture things of life that I also put my faith in.  I have faith that, if I raise my kids to respect others, work hard, be obedient to parents, teachers, employers, and police officers, and think critically, then they will be successful in their lives as adults.  I have absolutely no way whatsoever to prove now that they will end up that way; in fact, there are countless examples in the world of kids whose parents did everything "right" but who still ended up shipwrecking their own lives as teens or adults.  I choose to have faith in the belief that we're raising our kids right because to not raise our kids this way seems to be begging for trouble.  And as we raise our kids and watch them become respectful, smart, responsible young adults, I see confirmation that my faith in their upbringing is valid.

Brake lines... law & order... good parenting: These are some of the things I choose to have faith in...

And so, I suspect, do you.

We all have faith in all kinds of stuff... Faith is simply believing in something strongly enough to put it to use in our daily life.  We have faith that the sun is going to come up tomorrow; when we lay down at night and close our eyes, we have faith that we're going to wake up in the morning.  We have faith that, when we walk down the sidewalk, all the cars are going to stay in their lanes on the road and not hop the curb and mow us down like unruly blades of grass.

As a counterexample, just try to imagine what your day would be like without faith in any of these things...  Imagine that, once the sun drops below the horizon, it might or might not rise ever again.  Imagine, as you tuck yourself into your bed, that you might stop breathing and die at any point after you fall asleep.  Imagine walking along the roadside and expecting every car to veer off course and crush you.

You'd be scared to death of living at all... And so would I, without faith.  Faith is being sure of what we hope for (that the cars will stay in their rightful lanes, that our lungs will keep inhaling and exhaling even as we're dreaming of our Language Arts teacher waxing our feet, that the sun will come up tomorrow... bet your bottom dollar that tomorroooooow, there'll be suuuuunnnn...) and certain of what we cannot yet see (the unbroken brake lines in our car, the integrity of the police and the judges in their courtrooms, the future of our children).  We all have faith in something, and that's an undeniable fact of life.

The question, then, that divides Christians and non-Christians is not "Do you have faith?"  It's the question "What do you put your faith in?"  And that, in the interest of keeping this post short, is a topic for another day :-)

...Whether we want it to be or not...

I guess this is kind of a Part 2 to my last post ("For some of us, every day is April 2nd..."), which was basically all about being autistic and learning to embrace it.  And about 95% of the time, I do embrace it and I'm proud to be me, for better, for worse, and for crazy-weird fun :-)  But then again, there are those days like today that make up that other 5%...

Is it OK to admit that I'm struggling?

As Christians, it seems we're always told to glorify God with our words and with our testimony, and that if we sometimes question why He made us this way or is letting us go through something, we're just walking in doubt instead of in faith.  And somehow, even without saying it explicitly, the message is communicated that this is sinful and disobedient to the God who fearfully and wonderfully made us.  But at the same time, I know that as Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:10, the times when I am weak as a person are the times when I am strongest as a Christian, because then God can work most visibly in and through me.  So...

Is it OK to admit that I'm struggling?

The past month or so has been crazy busy, what with my husband and 2 of my 3 kids having birthdays, a couple rounds of the Creeping Lung Crud, several subbing jobs, a 1980s-themed Sadie Hawkins dance at the high school (funny how I don't remember the 80s looking quite that bad... then again, I grew up in the 90s, so... o.O), car troubles, job changes, a heart attack scare, and about half a dozen other minor disasters thrown in for comedic effect... oh, and Spring Break too, for that matter.  And this past Saturday, we wrapped up our annual Month of Chaos with my daughter's 15th birthday party, where about a dozen of her best friends crammed into our little apartment to watch Literal Trailers videos and Princess Bride, play Apples to Apples, and take crazy pictures of themselves to post on Instagram.  It was actually a lot of fun, and nothing got broken or thrown this time, so I'd call it an unqualified success :-D

When I made it through Saturday night and all day Sunday without a meltdown, I figured everything was fine, great, dandy... Hey, maybe I've finally developed enough coping skills to actually manage my autism and screen out all of the excess stimuli created by 6 straight hours of 12 hollering teenagers... Maybe I'm finally cured of my autism and my world will actually turn into something normal and I can go on and give my kids the normal life I've always wanted for them...  Maybe this is the start of a new and glorious chapter in my personal history; the Fourth Great and Bountiful Beautiful-Letdownian Empire!  (See... anything can be turned into a Doctor Who reference if you try hard enough... ^_^)

And then... today hit. And the firecrackers started going off in my brain and haven't yet stopped.  And every little tick of the clock and whirr of the fan and beeeeep of the washer makes me want to scream and throw them out the window, the window, the second story window (and I'm betting that you were just there singing along with me, weren't you? ^_^)  And the only way to cope with my daughter's missing cell phone and my son's field trip permission slip and my husband wanting to spend some quality time with me was to go completely numb and just keep repeating the same semi-helpful statements of fact ("No I don't know where it is the last time I saw it you were turning it off at church...  I'm going with your brother on his field trip that day go ask your father if he can chaperone for you... I guess I'm still just really tired from the party and cleaning up afterwards...") over and over again until whatever the issue was resolved itself.  And my 10 year old fell down while selling candy bars for Cub Scouts and scraped up his knee and elbow, and a 14 year old girl disappeared on her way to school in Utah, and someone set off bombs at the Boston Marathon, and so help me, I just didn't care.  And I sat in my car while waiting for my 13 year old to come out of his Boy Scout meeting and just cried and begged God to help me get it together so that I wouldn't scare the living bejeebers out of my kids by having a nervous breakdown in front of them or running my car into a tree for no reason other than to end the madness.

Some days, I hate being this way.  

And on days like this, with the knowledge that April is Autism Awareness Month... all month long... what I wish for most is an Autism Unawareness Day.

One day where, for once, I feel like I'm completely normal and acceptable just as I am.

One day where I don't have to struggle to find the right word and people know what I mean from the words that actually come out of my mouth; a day where, when I'm trying to identify that long thin thing in the conductor's hand as he waves it over the band and I call it first a "stick", and then a "wand," nobody leans over with a snicker and says "Mom, it's Harry Potter that has a wand... That's called a baton."  I know it's a baton, dear... I just misplaced the word for a moment :-/

One day where nobody gives me the Icy Stare of Death because I've described something exactly as I see it and thrown all tact to the wind without even realizing it.

One day where I don't have to wonder what I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do when something horrific happens in a faraway place like Boston or Manhattan or Newtown, where I can understand why everyone around me is freaking out and holding candlelight vigils from 2000 miles away.

One day where I can feel like I'm fully a part of the world around me, fully engaged and fully equipped to cope with whatever happens... without having to pay the inevitable price of a day like today.

One day where I can be myself, without a mask or a persona, and know that  I won't be shattered beyond repair by the words, the gaze, or the touch of others.

What I want is one day, even if it's just one day, where I can forget completely that I'm autistic and just feel normal for a change, where I and everyone else around me can be totally unaware of my autism and not think instead that I'm just another freak.

Sigh... Yes, I know I'm whining.  I know I'm venting, and I'm using my blog as a place to do it so that maybe someone else out there who struggles with this stuff will realize they're not alone.  I'm venting here so that people will know that, maybe, sometimes, it's OK to admit that we're struggling with the role God has given us to play in this life, because when we admit how weak we are and how dark our world may seem at times, we can see more clearly what a strength and a light our God is.

Even when I'm thrashing about in the midst of a verbal temper tantrum, kicking and screaming at God and asking Him "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND MAKE ME THIS WAY????  DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I *%#*@&* HATE THIS????  DON'T YOU CARE???", I know that He made me this way for a reason because He doesn't screw up.  And I know that when I'm all cried out and ready to listen, He'll show me something to make me realize that He's got something bigger in the works than just making me feel "normal"... which is another word for average, which is another word for mediocre, which is just not acceptable for a hyperactive overachiever like me anyway ^_^

So... Is it OK to admit that I'm struggling today?  Yes, I think so.

Am I ever going to get my Autism Unawareness Day?  No, probably not.

Am I ever going to be "normal" or even feel "normal"?  Nope.  Normal is highly overrated anyway.

But hey... At least I don't have to worry about anyone impersonating me or replacing me in God's crazy plan.  Supernatural job security... I guess I can live with that ^_^

And now for today's video...  This has been one of my all-time favorite songs for about 17 years now, one of those songs that just makes me stop whatever I'm doing and just shut up and listen (thankfully, it doesn't often come on my iPod while I'm driving...)  It just seemed like a good note to leave this post on, so...

If high schoolers REALLY got to pick the music at high school dances...

Last night was the big Winter Formal dance at my daughter's school, and being the good and overprotective mother that I am, naturally, I had to help chaperone it :-)  As my daughter and her boyfriend (yes, we have now officially moved into the next stage in the Handy Dandy Guide to Teenaged Relationships... kind of scary, but there it is o.O) were off trying to dance for the first time, I had an interesting conversation with another of her friends about (in no particular order) brick walls, dynamite, and popular music.  His musings on the third of those subjects were two-fold.

First: What would happen if someone were to randomly sneak in and insert some Christian songs into the music mix?  Would all fun and merriment immediately screech to a bone-jarring, flesh-tearing, ear-piercing stop?  Would the universe implode?  Would nobody even notice?  Personally, as much as I'd love to see the second option happen, considering the sheer volume of the music they were playing, I think the third is far more likely :-/  Which, of course, means that it might actually be possible to get away with such a thing... In other words, I think he and I now have a new plot to take over the world one high-school event at a time ^_^  Too bad the next dance for these guys isn't until next October... Ah, well, more time for plotting and conniving... :-D

His second musing was more of a challenge:  Once my daughter and her boyfriend returned from mangling one another's toes, he dared any of us to name a song that met all 5 of the following requirements:

1. A non-Christian (i.e. "secular") song, with
2. Good moral content, and
3. No bad language, that's
4. NOT about a girl (I'm assuming that he meant relationships, not just random underaged female members of the human race... ), and
5. NOT by One Direction or Justin Bieber.

Challenge accepted :-)

After some pretty intense argument between the friend and the boyfriend over whether One Direction and One Republic were the same thing (apparently, they're not... and I'm sure all the fans out there are relieved to have THAT settled...), everyone kind of wandered off to other things.  I also ended up apologizing to my daughter and her friends... I remember it going something along the lines of, "I'm really, really sorry that your generation's music sucks so badly..."  At least three of them were amused... ^_^

And so, in the interests of proving a 14 year old boy wrong (this seems to be turning into one of my favorite hobbies of recent days...), here are my two nominees for Songs That Meet My Daughter's Friend's Criteria For Not-Entirely-Evil Pop Music:

1. The Fray, "How To Save a Life"
(Yes, I know that the members of The Fray identify themselves as Christians, BUT they're not marketing themselves as a "Christian band", so I say it qualifies.  Nyah :-P)

2. Jesus Jones, "Right Here, Right Now"
(OK, I'm reaching back to my own high school days here, but hey, just because it's old doesn't mean it's not still good...  Or so I try to tell my kids, anyway :-/ )

I already had my daughter email her friend with my 2 nominations, but I'm figuring that somewhere out there in the blogosphere, there must be other songs that would fit as well.  So, how about it?  What are YOUR nominees for this little challenge?

The Handy-Dandy Guide to Relationships... Teen Edition :-)

OK, so just this week, my lovely daughter brought it to my attention that there seems to be some confusion among the younger generation (AKA her oh-so-helpful friends at lunch the other day) as to what exactly puts two people in the category of "dating."  So, with a smile on my face that says I'm 48% joking, I'm going to dedicate this blog post to the Subtle Differences Between the Various Stages of Teenage Relationships.  (And for those of you reading this who are actually a part of this "younger generation", you can use this as a handy-dandy guide to what us old geezers are thinking when we use these phrases in front of you and your potential boyfriend/girlfriend...  We're not actually TRYING to humiliate you, it's just that it comes so naturally to us... ^_^ )

"The Crush"
Ah, yes... this is the way that many teenage relationships seem to start out.  You like him/her... and usually, he/she hasn't quite figured out that you exist yet.  But you're hopeful, because you just know that, as soon as he/she notices that you like him/her (assuming that they first realize that you exist, of course), he or she will recognize that the two of you have virtually everything in common and were obviously meant to be together.  This stage usually lasts until you figure out that everything you love about your crush is based upon how little you actually know about your crush, and once you realize how truly annoying he or she can be, the fascination dries up pretty quickly :-/  This is most definitely the single most irritating type of teenage relationship for your friends, since the only thing you ever want to talk about in the Crush stage is your crush; it's particularly annoying to those friends who also happen to be in the Crush stage but are crushing on you as you're crushing on someone else... but anyway...

"Dating"
This is the "test-driving" stage of a relationship.  Basically, when you're "dating" (or "allowed to date", as all my fellow parents out there are probably hollering right about now...), your main goal is to try out as many of the local hotties as possible in search of that One True Love of Your Life.  So, when that cute guy from Biology class asks you if you want to go and see "An Unexpected Miserable Parental Guidance Chainsaw Trip Unchained" with him next Saturday afternoon, naturally you say "Yes!"... even though you've already got plans to go and see the very same movie with the cute guy from Geometry on Friday night ^_^   No commitment, no expectations, no jealousy allowed... just looking for a good time with whoever asks first... that's "dating."  (In other words, if you're a teenage boy and you're thinking about asking if you can "date" my daughter, start preparing yourself now for an answer of either "Um, no...", "NO.", "HECK no!", and/or "I'm the Doctor... Basically, RUN.")...

"Going Out"
This is the stage where you actually start going out to stuff with the same person more than once... For example, let's say you both thoroughly enjoyed "An Unexpected Miserable Parental Guidance Chainsaw Trip Unchained", and now he's asking you if you want to go with him to see "The Rise of the 40 Jack Reachers in the Promised Land" next weekend.  And since you had a good time before AND you still think he's kind of cute (and he didn't pick his nose even once that you noticed during the movie...), you say "Sure... Why not?"  So, now that you've been spotted out in public with the same person multiple times, it's perfectly reasonable for your friends/friends' friends/parents' annoying coworkers to start asking, "Hey, so... are you two a couple?"  And now, finally, you have the perfect answer for them: "Well... We're going out."  Short, simple, and vague enough to only be slightly awkward ^_^

"Going Steady"
(My mother-in-law gave me this one... Personally, I hadn't heard it since I was a teenager, but now that I'm the parent of teens, it's kind of starting to grow on me... )

Now, this is where things start to get interesting o.O  You like him/her... and he/she likes you back.  You've done the whole "going out" thing several times, and you've both pretty much stopped going out with anyone else.  However... you're not really sure that you're quite ready for That Special Someone to come home and meet the rest of your crazy family just yet... especially if they're the kind of family that entertains themselves by dissecting the personality quirks of every new visitor and/or throwing food at mealtimes...


So... "going steady" means that you're kind of a couple now... in an officially unofficial sense, anyway.  Your friends all know you're a couple, but your parents and all of their friends and family members are still trying to explain your relationship by saying things like, "He's such a nice boy... and they're so cute together!" or "Aww... Isn't puppy love adorable?"  Which leads to all sorts of interesting family nicknames for your Almost-Significant Other... such as:

• The Unofficial Boyfriend (AKA The Ubbie)
• His Unofficial Girlfriend (AKA The Huggie)
• The He's-NOT-My-Boyfriend/She's-NOT-My-Girlfriend (if you can figure out how to turn HNMB or SNMG into something both acronymical and cutesy, be my guest...)
• The Potential Boyfriend/Potential Girlfriend (shortening this to "Pot Boy" or "Pot Girl", however, will probably NOT win you any coolness points with the teens in your life.  Just sayin'...) 
• The We're-Just-Friends... Really-Really-Really-Good-Friends (added emphasis on the last Really is purely optional, but adds that touch of flavor and mystery to the phrase that makes one raise the eyebrow and go "Oh, really?")
• Your Young Man Friend.  (I have my sister to blame for that one...  Apparently, there is more than one way to interpret the phrase "He's NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" after all o.O  I draw the line, however, at acronymizing this to "The Yummie"...)

"Boyfriend/Girlfriend"
So.  This is (or should be, anyway) the epitome of teenage relationship status clarity.  You like him/her, he/she likes you back, and you've brought him/her home to meet your parents and siblings AND gone over to meet his/her parents and siblings as well.  He/she has asked you to be his/her girlfriend/boyfriend, and you've decided that yes, you're willing to ignore all of the other possible hotties in your life and settle on this one person for the foreseeable future, with the expectation that he/she is going to do the same.  This is the point at which you change your Facebook status, put pictures of him/her in your locker and on the walls of your room, and start referring to him/her in every possible situation as "My boyfriend/my girlfriend..."

Friend 1: "So, Steve and I are going to the movies this weekend.  Do you want to come with us?"
You: "Sure!  My boyfriend and I would LOVE to!  Which movie and what time?"

Friend 2:  "So, Morgan and I were sitting in Modern World History this morning, and OMG, I could not believe what Shelbie and Dakota were saying about Tiffany's dress at Homecoming..."
You:  "Yeah, I know... My boyfriend is in that class too, and he totally heard them talking about it..."

Friend 3:  "So, we went to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving, and the pumpkin pie caught fire and burned one wall of the kitchen, which my Uncle Ernie had to use the egg nog to put out, but then we had to take him to the hospital with 2nd degree burns..."
You:  "Hey, my boyfriend has grandparents too!  And he likes things that catch fire... and pie..."

But anyway... That's pretty much The Beautiful Letdown's Handy Dandy Guide to Relationships for Teenagers in a nutshell ^_^  Enjoy, and try to avoid the flaming pie next time...

Aiming for the moon... via Facebook ^_^

Well, the school year has begun and I'm officially registered to sub at about 4 different districts in my area.  Trouble is, there aren't a whole lot of teachers who call in sick during the first month or two of the school year, so so far it's been a whole lot of waiting.  And cleaning the apartment.  And going through boxes of old paperwork and bills from 2006.  And worrying over my daughter's transition to the drama that is high school and her sudden interest in high school boys.  Let's just say that it's been an... interesting couple of months :-)

The other thing I've been doing is creating "motivational" posters for my future middle school classroom.  The first one I created was based on a Facebook conversation I was involved in on a friend's wall...

Aim for the moon... even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars.  Actually, you won't, because the stars, unlike the moon, are outside of our solar system.  So, really, it should be, "Aim for the moon, and if you miss, you miss and plummet back towards earth, where, due to the friction caused by re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere, you die a horrific, firey death.  So, really, just don't fail, because if you fail, you die."  Which really just means that you end up right back where you started... except for the firey ball of doom part, of course.  But more importantly, always remember to think critically about such things and pay attention to the details.

I've already made one copy for my daughter and another for her best friend...   Any additional copies for the rest of her classmates will be $29.99 plus shipping and handling ^_^

And then there's the poster I just finished this morning...  This one was inspired by conversations I've had with my daughter's best friend, who is completely, adamantly, 100%, absolutely morally opposed to ever getting a Facebook of his own.  He believes FB to be a complete and total waste of time... and I can't say that I completely disagree with him :-/  But anyway, this was my response to him, in picture form :-)

Facebook is like a hammer... It can be used for good, bad, or stupid...

Of course, I had to throw that last little bit at the end in after watching Facebook's first TV commercial...  I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or hit myself in the head with a hammer afterwards o_O  (March 2024 Update: Apparently, "Meta" has wiped all reference to this ad from YouTube, since I cannot find the original video I had posted OR any other versions... Feeling slightly gaslit at the moment, not gonna lie :-/ )

Yeah... If this whole substitute teaching thing doesn't work out, I think I could write advertising copy for Facebook... ;-)

What To Expect When You're High-Schoolering...

Yesterday, my daughter and most of her friends graduated from the 8th grade; as she keeps reminding me, she's "officially" a high schooler now, and "not some little seventh grader anymore, Mooooommmm... " <insert dramatic eye-rolls here>  I'm kind of hard-pressed to find the words to say how proud I am of her and all of her friends, and how hope-filled, excited, and nervous I am for all of them as they start the final leg of their journey to adulthood: high school.

With that in mind, here is what I'd like to say to them-- the little bits and pieces of advice that I'd like to give them as one who went through high school and survived.  Not that they would listen at the moment, since they're too busy reveling in the fact that it's finally SUMMER (Yay! Yah! WooHOOOOOOOOO!!! and all that jazz) to actually listen to anyone, but hey... that's what my blog is for, right? ^_^

So, without further ado (sounds so much more dramatic than it really is, huh? ^_^), here is my Top 8 list of Things Every New High Schooler Should Know:

1.     Everything counts. 
If you have a goal of succeeding in high school, going to college, and getting a job where you get paid a lot of money for not working very hard (as one of my daughter's friends was quoted as saying in their graduation ceremony), you have to start now, with that first Freshman Study Skills class.  In high school, there are no MDFs to turn in when you were too busy to finish your homework and need an extra day or two (or 17, as the case may be) to get it in... Either you turn it in on time or the teacher docks you by half, no ifs ands or buts.  It's not that there are no second chances in high school... it's just that second chances in high school are called "Credit Recovery" and you have to take them during your summer vacation :-(  Which just plain sucks.  Big time.


2.     Don't underestimate the little things. 
You never know what someone else is going through, and your one insignificant little action could be the thing that either makes their day bearable or destroys their will to go on.  A whole school year of little things can make the difference between giving up and pushing through... especially since you have no idea of all the other "little things" that someone is thinking about in any given moment. 

3.     Kindness.
No matter what, you will never go wrong with kindness.  Don't do to others just because they did it to you... an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and all that.  It doesn't matter who started it... You can be the one to finish it :-) 

4.     You don't know the future.
You may get the chance tomorrow to make amends for the stupidities of today.  Then again, you may not.  You have no way of knowing what is going to happen next to yourself or to that person walking away from you...  As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone, and don't wait to make the wrong things right. 

5.     You can't change the past.
When all else fails, today is a new day, and you can always choose to keep walking forward.  It really doesn't matter what everyone says you are or what everyone is predicting based on yesterday and all that came before... You are who you are because God has formed you and shaped you to be in this place, and where you go from here is between you and Him.  Don't let the haters tell you who you have to be. 

6.     YOLO.
When Nickelback says to live like today was your last day, it doesn't necessarily mean that you should go out and give everything away and refuse to plan for the future.  Rather, live each day so that when you lay down at night, you don't have any regrets to keep you awake.  If you have to think about how you're going to hide what you're about to do, chances are good you probably shouldn't be doing it.  If you've screwed up and need to make things right, do it today, ASAP.  Very few people will be ticked off at you for calling or texting them at 10:45 PM to say you're sorry :-) 

7.     YODO.  You only die once too.  Don't be excessively stupid :-)  (And, since I forgot to include a video in the last post, I'll throw in a bonus video here...

And finally, with all that being said...

8.     Enjoy high school.
This is your last chance to be a kid, before you have to worry about a job, a place to live, insurance, settling down and raising kids, etcetera.  Think about it... If you're 14 now, you could have at least 60 years ahead of you to do all those things.  You don't have to choose a husband or wife, a career path, or a house right now (although the choices you make now could end up having a huge effect on those choices down the road...)  Enjoy being young and having your whole life ahead of you... Don't be in such a hurry to weigh yourself down with the worries of being an adult just yet, because in 20 years, you'll be looking back and going, "Y'know, I really, really wish I hadn't done that...", and you'll end up sitting at your kitchen table writing all of these things down in a blog instead of actually telling your kids and their friends what they need to know to survive high school ^_^

I think this song pretty much sums up everything I want to say here... and knowing my daughter, chances are good that she'd rather hear it from somebody yelling into a microphone than from me, anyway ^_^ 


Today really is the first day of the rest of your life... and not just because that's what the vice-principal said in his official 8th grade graduation speech that he's probably been giving from memory since Vanilla Ice was still cool o_O   No, today is the first day of the rest of your life because, as long as you still have life in you, you can choose to make it the first day.  This is your life, no one else's... and no one can take that away from you :-)