Truth is, I'm not struggling much with finding something to say, but with believing that anything I have to say is worth listening to. Sure, I've got ideas and find myself thinking "OMG... I SOOOOO need to blog about THIS! It's gonna be EPIC!! Best blog post EVER!!!" And then I start writing the post...
...And then I stop, because something in me starts to wonder, "Why do I bother with this? Is this really worth writing about? Is this really worth READING about? C'mon... you know no one's going to read this crap, and even if they do, they're just going to click away and go find something worthwhile and meaningful to read to cleanse their minds of this nonsense that I've been spouting." And so I stop, save the draft (I have 6 drafts currently on my Blogger homepage... 7 if you count this one...), and go back to cruising my Facebook feed, hoping for some sort of connection with somebody. I feel like I'm actually living this old Queensryche song from my middle school years...
(Wow... Geoff Tate in a tank top... That's kind of an "Ewwww... What were we all THINKING back then???" sort of a moment... o.O But anyway...)
Why do I bother speaking if no one is paying any attention? It's like living with my kids... I've lost count of the number of times where I've made some sort of announcement or asked a question ("Dinner's ready...", "Time for bed...", "Why are you all singing 'The Star Spangled Banner' to the tune of 'The Narwhal Song'?"), only to be completely ignored or else stared at like I've just sprouted a third nose in the middle of my forehead. I know, I know, this is normal... the kids-not-listening part, not the third nose part... but as any parent can attest, it's really, REALLY frustrating :-/
I think each of us has a very human need to be heard and to be noticed... We want people to listen to us and to tell us we're worth listening to; without that, our souls starve and wither a little each day. We are the only creatures on earth with a voice, a language, and an innate drive to communicate, and I don't believe that's an accident or a side effect of evolution... When God sent Jesus to earth, He was called the Word made flesh (John chapter 1, specifically verse 14) for a reason; when God wanted to get our attention and be noticed, He did what we would do and used not a gesture, not a glare, not an interpretive dance or a game of charades, but a Word.
People need to speak, to listen, and to be heard... And we never realize how much we need all of those until the silence overwhelms us.
Supposedly, I've had 672 visitors to my blog since I started writing in 2011... And from all those, only 2 people (other than me) have made any sort of comment or left a footprint to let me know they were here. It's kind of discouraging, because I start to wonder...
Is it that I'm not saying anything worth commenting on?
Is it that I'm saying something so distasteful that no one wants anyone else to know they were here?
Is it that no one likes me, everybody hates me, and I guess I should go eat worms? (As long as they're sour gummy worms, I might actually be OK with that... ^_^ )
Maybe no one's actually reading my words at all, and all 672 of those hits were just Googlebots after all...
But... If you ARE actually reading my words, thrown out into the cyber-void for who-knows-what purpose, could you do my poor battered self-esteem a favor and leave a comment to let me know you're there? Who you are, where you're from, how on earth you stumbled across my odd little internet soapbox here... and whether you agree with me that sour gummy worms are way better than the rainbow gummy ones :-)
If something I've said in a post has struck a chord or a nerve with you, tell me so and why. If you've got a question for me or a counter-argument to something I've said, let me know. If you're thinking I'm a self-absorbed idiot who really should go back to answering the phones at Wal-Mart... well, try and break that to me gently and with nice words, please ^_^
To sum it all up: Talk to me, because the little voices get really strange notions when I start talking to myself... :-D
(OK, hopefully that was the end of my itty bitty pity party... And then this song came on my iTunes and suddenly I felt much better...)
I'm reading because you are helping bring hope to a mom who's feeling really pinned in by more questions than there seem to be answers for.
ReplyDeleteWow, a third nose?! I don't even have a second nose! I'm so jealous. No...wait....never mind. That would be a bugger in cold/allergy season!
ReplyDeleteYou always say things I find thought provoking. I love what you said about how people need to be heard and noticed. Ties in with a conversation I've been having with a young friend. How we all need to be heard, need to be valued and loved. I may borrow your thoughts about how the word became flesh.....
And for the record, sour gummy words ROCK far more than those other regular boring ones!
Well, you're my sizzy and I wubz you. So I read.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I want sour gummy worms.
I came across your blog from your post on Facebook. It is so easy to feel unheard; I commiserate. My kids are probably better at listening to me than most adults, so it may not just be a parent thing. I think that so many people are so busy in the complications of their own lives that it is hard to pause and appreciate the people around them. I know I am certainly like that at times (when I'm juggling too many balls), but I also end up feeling unheard when I have something important to say. Unfortunately, when I go too long without feeling heard on an issue that is important to me, the result is a blow up. Then everyone around me is left in confusion on my reaction. It is great that you have found a venue for communicating your thoughts. I hope it helps in you feeling heard. - Heather D.
ReplyDelete