Is there anybody listening?

OK, so I know it's been a while since I last posted (or at least it feels like a long while, anyway...), and it was a while before that post as well...  Life has been busy and I've been subbing a lot, but honestly, that's not reason enough to go so long between posts and it's not the main reason that I have :-/

Truth is, I'm not struggling much with finding something to say, but with believing that anything I have to say is worth listening to.  Sure, I've got ideas and find myself thinking "OMG... I SOOOOO need to blog about THIS!  It's gonna be EPIC!!   Best blog post EVER!!!"  And then I start writing the post...

...And then I stop, because something in me starts to wonder, "Why do I bother with this?  Is this really worth writing about?  Is this really worth READING about?  C'mon... you know no one's going to read this crap, and even if they do, they're just going to click away and go find something worthwhile and meaningful to read to cleanse their minds of this nonsense that I've been spouting."  And so I stop, save the draft (I have 6 drafts currently on my Blogger homepage... 7 if you count this one...), and go back to cruising my Facebook feed, hoping for some sort of connection with somebody.  I feel like I'm actually living this old Queensryche song from my middle school years...

(Wow... Geoff Tate in a tank top... That's kind of an "Ewwww... What were we all THINKING back then???" sort of a moment... o.O  But anyway...)

Why do I bother speaking if no one is paying any attention?  It's like living with my kids... I've lost count of the number of times where I've made some sort of announcement or asked a question ("Dinner's ready...", "Time for bed...", "Why are you all singing 'The Star Spangled Banner' to the tune of 'The Narwhal Song'?"), only to be completely ignored or else stared at like I've just sprouted a third nose in the middle of my forehead.  I know, I know, this is normal... the kids-not-listening part, not the third nose part... but as any parent can attest, it's really, REALLY frustrating :-/

I think each of us has a very human need to be heard and to be noticed...  We want people to listen to us and to tell us we're worth listening to; without that, our souls starve and wither a little each day.  We are the only creatures on earth with a voice, a language, and an innate drive to communicate, and I don't believe that's an accident or a side effect of evolution... When God sent Jesus to earth, He was called the Word made flesh (John chapter 1, specifically verse 14) for a reason; when God wanted to get our attention and be noticed, He did what we would do and used not a gesture, not a glare, not an interpretive dance or a game of charades, but a Word.

People need to speak, to listen, and to be heard... And we never realize how much we need all of those until the silence overwhelms us.

Supposedly, I've had 672 visitors to my blog since I started writing in 2011... And from all those, only 2 people (other than me) have made any sort of comment or left a footprint to let me know they were here.  It's kind of discouraging, because I start to wonder...

Is it that I'm not saying anything worth commenting on?
Is it that I'm saying something so distasteful that no one wants anyone else to know they were here?
Is it that no one likes me, everybody hates me, and I guess I should go eat worms?  (As long as they're sour gummy worms, I might actually be OK with that... ^_^ )

Maybe no one's actually reading my words at all, and all 672 of those hits were just Googlebots after all...

But... If you ARE actually reading my words, thrown out into the cyber-void for who-knows-what purpose, could you do my poor battered self-esteem a favor and leave a comment to let me know you're there?  Who you are, where you're from, how on earth you stumbled across my odd little internet soapbox here... and whether you agree with me that sour gummy worms are way better than the rainbow gummy ones :-)

If something I've said in a post has struck a chord or a nerve with you, tell me so and why.  If you've got a question for me or a counter-argument to something I've said, let me know.  If you're thinking I'm a self-absorbed idiot who really should go back to answering the phones at Wal-Mart... well, try and break that to me gently and with nice words, please ^_^

To sum it all up: Talk to me, because the little voices get really strange notions when I start talking to myself... :-D

(OK, hopefully that was the end of my itty bitty pity party...  And then this song came on my iTunes and suddenly I felt much better...)

Aiming for the moon... via Facebook ^_^

Well, the school year has begun and I'm officially registered to sub at about 4 different districts in my area.  Trouble is, there aren't a whole lot of teachers who call in sick during the first month or two of the school year, so so far it's been a whole lot of waiting.  And cleaning the apartment.  And going through boxes of old paperwork and bills from 2006.  And worrying over my daughter's transition to the drama that is high school and her sudden interest in high school boys.  Let's just say that it's been an... interesting couple of months :-)

The other thing I've been doing is creating "motivational" posters for my future middle school classroom.  The first one I created was based on a Facebook conversation I was involved in on a friend's wall...

Aim for the moon... even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars.  Actually, you won't, because the stars, unlike the moon, are outside of our solar system.  So, really, it should be, "Aim for the moon, and if you miss, you miss and plummet back towards earth, where, due to the friction caused by re-entry into the Earth's atmosphere, you die a horrific, firey death.  So, really, just don't fail, because if you fail, you die."  Which really just means that you end up right back where you started... except for the firey ball of doom part, of course.  But more importantly, always remember to think critically about such things and pay attention to the details.

I've already made one copy for my daughter and another for her best friend...   Any additional copies for the rest of her classmates will be $29.99 plus shipping and handling ^_^

And then there's the poster I just finished this morning...  This one was inspired by conversations I've had with my daughter's best friend, who is completely, adamantly, 100%, absolutely morally opposed to ever getting a Facebook of his own.  He believes FB to be a complete and total waste of time... and I can't say that I completely disagree with him :-/  But anyway, this was my response to him, in picture form :-)

Facebook is like a hammer... It can be used for good, bad, or stupid...

Of course, I had to throw that last little bit at the end in after watching Facebook's first TV commercial...  I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or hit myself in the head with a hammer afterwards o_O  (March 2024 Update: Apparently, "Meta" has wiped all reference to this ad from YouTube, since I cannot find the original video I had posted OR any other versions... Feeling slightly gaslit at the moment, not gonna lie :-/ )

Yeah... If this whole substitute teaching thing doesn't work out, I think I could write advertising copy for Facebook... ;-)

Better Late Than Never, Right...? (aka "I'm Thankful that There's No Such Thing as a Deadline for a Personal Blog...")

OK, so I guess I should post this while it's still relatively close to Thanksgiving... My original plan was to post after we got home from visiting my family, but we all know how planning goes... :-)

But anyway, here is my list of things I'm thankful for:

I'm thankful for the opportunity to finish school and get my teaching degree in a matter of months from now... even though I'm not always thrilled with the irritations (aka those really boring textbook note-taking assignments) and the minor potholes (aka "What do you mean I have to take Freshman Intro to Literature after all?  The advising department told me that that was covered by my AA degree...") along the way.

In that vein, right now I'm thankful for my Science Methods textbook, which has provided me with almost immeasurable inspiration tonight... inspiration to clean the kitchen, inspiration to write in my blog, inspiration to hunt down and kill all of the new black mold colonies in all of the windows of the entire apartment, inspiration to do anything but read the 4 chapters that are due this week ^_^

I'm also thankful that MacBooks are actually pretty durable little guys... and that I realized that the back of the screen was a little too close to the cinnamon spice scented candles before it melted all the way through the shell o_O

I'm thankful for all of the friends I've made in my cohort at school over the past year and a half, and for the close-knit family that we've become.  For the first time I can remember, I've finally found a school where I actually belong, and where I feel at home and wanted.

I'm thankful for Facebook, because it actually does help me to stay connected with people (something I'm really, really not good at in real-life)... and it helps me to keep on top of my hectic assignment calendar (read as "Hey, BTW, does anyone know which chapters we were supposed to read for class tomorrow?")

I'm thankful for my husband and my 3 kids, who keep me on my toes and remind me that I really don't have it all figured out yet :-)  Humility is a wonderful thing... or so they keep telling me  ^_^

I'm also thankful for my extended family, because they've taught me everything I know about being me.  I'm convinced that family is God's way of teaching us to love like He does... You see, with friends, if they tick you off or let you down, you always have the choice of just walking away.  With family, though, you're kind of stuck with them... no matter how screwed up they are or how badly they've blown it, they're still your family, and like them or not, you still love them.  Of course, that whole part about being screwed up and blowing it applies just as much to you as to them... no matter what we've done or how much they might complain about us on Facebook, they still love us and welcome us back home each holiday.

Our family sees us at our most unlovely... when we're babies who've just pooped all over our best holiday dress, when we're five years old and throwing a tantrum because somebody had the audacity to put both green beans AND sweet potatoes on our plate-- and they're TOUCHING!!!!!--, when we're thirteen and refusing to come out of our rooms because we have to sit at the kids' table AGAIN... and on and on into the totally separate issues of adulthood.  Yet in spite of all our issues, our family is still our family, and they still love us-- even when they may not like us very much at the moment.  (Remind me to talk about the ginormous difference between "like" and "love" some other time... ^_^)

OK, so you may be saying, "Well, maybe in YOUR family... mine hasn't spoken to each other in years, and not just because of all the restraining orders and conditions of parole..."  Still, hear me out...  Even if your family says they hate you, or you hate them, or your parents do all their communicating through you, or if your family has disowned people, guess what?  You still think about those people and have never forgotten them.  Why?  Because they're family, and somewhere, buried underneath all the drama and scar tissue, there will always be love there.

See, this is why I say that family is how God teaches us what His love is really like... We came from Him, because He made us.  He loves us when we're at our crappiest, and when we've done everything possible-- whether we meant to or not-- to make Him give up on us.  Even if we deny our relationship to Him and deny that He even exists, He still shows His love for us by giving us what we need to live and by putting a desire in our hearts to be loved by somebody.  When we realize this and love Him back, things are wonderful... maybe not in the circumstances, but in our ability to deal with those circumstances.  When we turn our backs on Him, things get messy... and then a lot of the time we go crying out to Him like teenagers calling their parents to bail them out of jail at 3AM ^_^  And then, even if He doesn't come and bail us out right away, we know He's there working on it and that He cares about us.  So, it really isn't that big of a stretch to say that family is a lot like God after all :-)

Which leads to the biggest thing that I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving... I'm thankful to God for loving me and saving me when I was at my worst, for knowing how little I deserved His love and for still sending Jesus to die for me so that I could actually know Him as His Child and not just as a pawn in this world of His.  I'm thankful for the life that He has given me... I only hope I can remember to be thankful more often than just once a year :-/

So, anyway, true to form, here's a musical interlude that kind of fits the theme and my mood... The song is "Faith My Eyes" from Caedmon's Call's album 40 Acres.

Random Thoughts Inspired by Random Thoughts on Facebook... Part 1 :-)

OK, so I'll be honest and admit that I'm pretty much addicted to Facebook... I use it to keep in touch with old friends and geographically distant relatives, share info about my life and my family with people who care about them almost as much as I do, and commiserate with classmates over the controlled (we hope, anyway ^_^) chaos that is life as a college senior.  But sometimes, the things I come across on the ol' FB make me scratch my head and wonder why...

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"TO ALL MY FELLOW NUTS... I just realized... We sit & stare at a screen... We talk to ourselves... We have imaginary friends, zoos, farms, cities, & fake animals... We cook imaginary food in imaginary bakeries... We play bingo that gives no money... We poke people & think its OK... We even write on walls... Think about it... Facebook is a mental hospital & we are all its patients.  Feel free to steal this... I just did! :-) Party in my ward later =^}"

Hehehe... "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free..." :-D

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"How bad is the current economy? I received a pre-declined credit card in the mail. CEO's are now playing mini golf. Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. A picture is now only worth 200 words.They renamed Wall Street "Wal-Mart Street". Finally, I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck."

Yep...  I get all my current events info from Facebook ^_^    Actually, I thought this one was pretty darn clever for FB...  I just wish I knew who actually wrote it so I could give credit where credit is due :-)


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"Please copy this if you know someone or have heard of someone who knows someone that may have known someone who knows anyone. If you don't know anyone, or even if you've heard of anyone who doesn't know anyone that doesn't know someone, then still copy this. It's important to spread the message. Oh, and the hearts. ♥♥ Don't forget the freakin' hearts. ♥♥"

My head hurts now.  And I gave up after the first period...


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"Wow. Steve Jobs resigning as CEO. I'm kinda numb. Everyone out there who has an iPhone just take a good long look at it. Steve Jobs created that. Anyone with a different Smart Phone, know that Steve Jobs still made the basic breakthrough for that to exist. He has affected millions of lives. I'm sad to see him go. I will forever remember his genius."

Um, he's just resigning from his position.  He's not dead.  And I think he had at least another guy or two helping him with the whole Smart Phone thingie-majigger at some point along the way.  Just sayin'...

(UPDATE - Wednesday Oct. 5th, 2011:  Wow... Who knew?  Steve Jobs is kind of like one of those generational icons that you just assume will always be there... until all of a sudden he's not.  RIP Steve Jobs, 2/24/1955 - 10/5/2011.)
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"Thanks Facebook. I'm well aware my anniversary is tomorrow, and I'm pretty sure I don't need to send my husband a Facebook message reminding him.... >.>"

Redundant Facebook is... redundant?  But in a helpful, Clippy-the-Microsoft-Help-Paperclip sort of way... ^_^

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And my personal "Uh... Seriously?" favorite of the moment...

FB Girl: "ugh... found out my classes... hate em.. how did i get pre algebra when i culdnt even sound it out? i mean seriously? i kinda wanted easy classes so i can get easy grades... thank you"

FB Friend 1: "Hahaha 8th grades fun easy or not trust me ull have fun just stay away from drama lol"

FB Girl: "is ms f_____ ..... nice..... imma switch cuz of all the crap she posted on her thing she sayss missing work turns into a 0 anhen you have tto bring an ssr book to cklass every day.. yeah i dont do that imma change"

FB Friend 1: "Hahah i hated her i had her no one likes her but she says that stuff and she means it but ever 8th grade teacher expects u to have a ssr book"

FB Girl: "why i dontr get it we all know how to read so why practice more.. seriously?"

Yeah.  Seriously.  Because apparently, even with all the practice you've had over the past 8 years, you still can't capitalize, punctuate, or spell...

Oh, well, that's OK I guess... but now that I'm thinking about the joys of 8th grade... ^_^ 

This isn't generally my favorite music style (it's a little too mellow for my usual taste) BUT it just so fits with the whole back-to-school season that I had to include it :-D  Enjoy!