OK, so at the very least, this should be a short post...
I use iBroadcast for my music streaming because it allows me to upload my entire music collection and then stream it from my phone, my computer, pretty much any browser window everywhere as long as I can remember my login email and password. Plus, I can use the "One Queue" option to use the same playlist on all of my devices and almost seamlessly move between my computer and my phone without restarting the song (which is nice for when I'm listening to music on my Mac and then have to head out to work and want to continue the song I'm listening to in the car on my drive) :-D
So, anyway, I'm sitting here at home listening to my music and scrolling through FB, and a song by one of my most recent favorite artists comes on... I've always known of Glen Phillips as the lead singer of Toad the Wet Sprocket, and I knew on a theoretical level that he had put out some solo albums. But it wasn't until I separated from my husband of 25 years and started trying to figure out who I actually was aside from wife, mother, and verbal punching bag that I started listening to Phillips' solo work. Some of his songs are just beautiful, and others are snarky as heck... And some are both at the same time, which I find hilarious :-D Some of his songs make me feel called out under a spotlight (looking at YOU, here, "Professional Victim"...)
And then there's the song I heard tonight. Which sits in a class all by itself as my most favorite Inappropriate Worship Song Ever :-D
The song I'm talking about is "Drive By", from Phillips' first solo album, Abulum. On the surface, it's the reminiscence of a childhood incident, inspired by a story told to Phillips by his friend Ben Folds. But what I most love about this song is that at the core of the chorus, it's a worship song to a God who is there in both the holy and the profane moments of our lives. A God who doesn't just live in the church we visit (sometimes) on Sundays, but who sits in the backseat of the car with us as we set out on dubious missions, with all of our doubts screaming in our ears the whole time. A God who longs for us to call out to him in our random moments of desperation, not just our moments of proper behavior when we've got it all together and have already completed 3 of the 5 items on our daily to-do list. Because you see, this is the God I know and love. He's a God who has been there consistently through all of my darkest times, even when I didn't know He was there. He was there when I was being abused and is the one who kept it from killing me. When I was trying to kill myself, He was the one who kept me from succeeding. He was there when I struggled with the overwhelming role of being a parent, and He whispered advice in my ear that helped me raise 3 phenomenal humans that I am so, so, SO very proud of every day. He was there when my parents told me I was ugly, stupid, too much trouble, and a failure at what I was "supposed" to be. When my now-ex screamed in my face so closely that I felt his spit hit my cheeks and forehead that if I was going to act stupid (by remaining silent as he screamed), he was going to treat me like I was stupid, "A stupid, F**KING B*TCH."
At all of these times, my God has been there quietly in the background to tell me "Shhh... It's OK, that's not true. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are My child and I will avenge you, you have a future that you would not even believe even if I told you it in advance." My God is a god of the current moment, not just of the eventual future glory.
Which brings me back to "Drive By" by Glen Phillips. I will warn you in advance, this is definitely a PG-13 song, subject matter-wise. No bad language, but you might be hard pressed to explain some of what he's talking about to a pre-pubescent child, just saying X-D
I love this song, but something tells me it's not going to be popping up in my church's worship service any time soon...
